Heartburn
by idioticonion
Summary: Luke Mosby discovers that his Dad even more of an unreliable narrator than we first thought. Spoilers for 4.17 - set in 2031
1. Chapter 1

**Heartburn**

**Part 1**

"Mom, why have we never met our Uncle Barney?"

Luke asked the million dollar question on one wet, windy afternoon in March 2031. He was home for spring break and relieved to be back where he didn't have to worry about doing his own laundry or cooking his own food. Also, it had been surprisingly great to see his sister again.

Speaking of whom, Leia looked up with interest when he asked his question.

"Humph?" His Mom replied. She was busy straining potatoes and so he repeated the question.

"Uncle Barney. Ted's friend from back when you guys were young and actually cool."

His mom laughed.

"I mean," Luke continued, "if Uncle Barney moved away, couldn't we contact him? There are about a million ways to find people on the internet you know."

She grinned. "I know, Luke. We did have Facebook back in my day."

"Face-what?"

Leia started putting away her book. "Mom, you are such a dork."

"So, Uncle Barney?" Luke insisted. "Let's get Dad to look him up?"

His Mom smiled indulgently. "Sweetie…"

"Come on, mom!" Leia whined, which Luke didn't think would help. He was reminded of why he had been so keen to get away from home to go to college. "Barney is definitely my favourite one!"

"Favourite one?" Their Mom repeated with a smirk.

"Of all the lame friends Dad had." Leia snorted. "I still can't believe that Uncle Marshall did all that weed."

"Oh my god! What has your father been telling you?" Their Mom said, outraged. "Ted honey! Get in here!"

Their Dad appeared through the kitchen door. "Yep?"

"What have you been telling the kids?"

Luke saw the slight look of panic in his Dad's eyes. "Nothing. Some things. Why?"

"Dad?" Luke asked. "Can you look up our Uncle Barney? Leia and me really want to meet him."

Then a weird thing happened. Luke saw his Dad freeze over, saw his back stiffen, his eyebrows pull into a tight frown. Dad didn't correct his grammar and he didn't smile indulgently. He looked angry.

"Pops?" Leia said. "Did you de-bro him again?"

Their Dad mumbled something unintelligible and shook his head.

"Ted?" Their mom asked, clearly concerned.

"No… no… just leave it kids." He walked out of the kitchen without saying another word.

"Honey! Dinner's nearly ready…" Their mom protested.

But their Dad was already gone.

*--*--*

"Dad, are you going to tell us a story?"

"Not tonight, Leia, I'm busy."

"But Luke's only here for one more night and I don't have to work tomorrow."

"Leia, you've always said how you hate my stories. You said they were boring."

"Dad, I'm a kid."

"Leia, you're nineteen years old."

"Dad, I'm twenty. Shape up."

"Leave it, sweetie."

"Okay… love you pops."

"Goodnight honey."


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2**

The next day, Luke decided that he wanted to spend his last day in NYC visiting their Aunt Robin and Leia agreed to tag along with him. They both worshipped their aunt - she was outrageous and unconventional and glamorous - although they didn't see her half as often as they would like to, with her jet-set lifestyle. But even when they'd been little kids, Robin had always treated them both like adults.

This past year, hearing about Robin's exploits as a young woman, and how Dad had actually fallen in love with her (which just _weird_), it had made Luke and Leia feel closer to their aunt than ever.

"Hey kiddos," Robin greeted them, kissing them both on the cheek. Her long hair whipped around her face as she linked arms with both of them and they headed towards Central Park. Robin might be a few years younger than Mom and Dad but she seemed to Luke like one of them - a contemporary. As they headed into the park for their traditional walk, Luke considered that if anyone might know how to contact their Uncle Barney without all of Dad's weirdness, it would be her.

"So… I asked Dad last night why we've never met our Uncle Barney."

Robin gave him a strange look.

"Jesus!" Leia said. "Not you too Auntie! Dad was all freaked out last night. I don't get how you guys could be so close in your thirties and never speak to him again now your… old!"

Normally Robin would have given Leia a piece of her mind (even though Robin was a total cougar, Luke knew she was conscious of her age) but this time she just thinned her lips.

"Leia, exactly what has Ted told you about Barney?"

"So, do you know how to contact him!" Luke replied, triumphantly.

"Well, there's a always a séance, I suppose…" Robin said, archly.

"What?" Both of them exclaimed.

"Guys, I'm really sorry but Barney's dead. He died before you were born."

"Wow…" Luke said, feeling a shiver go down his spine.

"No way…" Leia said. They both looked at each other. "Wow, that's horrible. The way Dad talks about it…"

Luke swallowed. "You think that's why he was so upset?"

Leia shrugged. "Maybe."

Luke felt a little sick. "Should we be guilty for bringing it up?"

Robin frowned. "No! Of course not. I'm surprised that it wasn't the first thing he told you…" She shook her head with a sigh. "It was all so long ago. I haven't thought about it in… years."

"Well, Dad hasn't got to that part of the story yet anyway. And he's got a thing about spoilers." Leia shrugged with a sad smile. "He only just got to the bit where you got that insane four AM early morning show and the others all promised to watch it only they got into a fight instead."

Luke nodded. He found it hard to speak. He didn't think he'd have time to properly apologise to his Dad before he got the bus back to college that evening.

In the meantime, Leia was chuckling. "Boy, that story was one of the best ones! Uncle Barney wore PJs made to look like a suit. And them him and Uncle Marshall had these Nightdresses…"

"Whoa! Whoa there!" Robin put up a hand. "Hold on… what early morning show? What has Ted been telling you?"

"Oh, we know he forgets stuff and gets it wrong. We're always picking him up on it." Leia said. "But I guess that it's hard to get all the details right on something that happened over twenty years ago, right?"

Robin nodded thoughtfully. "I guess." They walked in silence for a while. Eventually, they came across the little patch of ground where Robin always stopped and snuck a cigarette - another example of the anti-social behaviour that their Aunt occasionally indulged in. Both Luke and Leia had asked for a puff once but it had tasted foul and bitter and made them both cough. They had no idea why old people wanted to smoke.

"Aunt Robin?" Leia asked. "Did Uncle Barney ever get to tell you that he loved you? Did you ever figure it out?"

"Leia, shut up…" Luke muttered, seeing their Aunt's horrified expression. He wished to hell his sister wasn't so tactless. She tended to say everything that came into her head.

The spot where they stood was peaceful, with a small stone bench and a sprinkle of wildflowers. Robin was always very still there, she didn't allow the usual chatter. Luke had rarely seen their Aunt being stern but he'd always guessed she didn't like being disturbed from her smoking.

It was one of his earliest memories of his Aunt - the wreathes of smoke and fresh air and expensive perfume. Her smile, her low, dirty laugh. This place.

Luke sat down on the stone bench, the cold seeping through his jeans and he ran his fingers along the back as they had a hundred times before.

But he'd never before noticed the indentation, the words carved into the back of the seat, very faint, barely there at all. He turned around to get a closer look.

"In loving memory. Brother, friend, much missed…"

A single name.

Luke swallowed because suddenly there was a lump in his throat.

*--*--*

"I don't know why you're so affected by this, that's all." Leia hissed. They were sat watching TV while Dad and Aunt Robin talked in the kitchen. "We didn't even know Uncle Barney."

"I don't know…" Luke said. He found it hard to find the words. He wasn't Leia; he wasn't good at expressing how he felt. He was more like Mom in that respect. But Uncle Barney's death, and seeing the park bench... This time last year they didn't even know Barney existed. Now, they'd started noticing him in old photos and even raving about his exploits when they talked to each other online. They'd even started looking forward to Dad's lame stories.

Luke sighed and made his way over to the kitchen to get some juice, opening the door a crack before remembering that Robin had asked them to leave her alone with Dad for a while. He couldn't resist hanging around by the door and eavesdropping.

"Ted… can I ask you a question?" Luke heard his Aunt say.

There was a pause and her could hear Dad moving around the kitchen. "Sure…"

"It's… I'm not sure how to…" Luke had never heard that tone in his aunt's voice before. "Ted… was Barney in love with me."

There was silence and Luke moved closer to the crack in the door, frustrated that he couldn't see a thing.

"Only Leia said-"

"What? Robin!"

Luke shook his head. He felt the familiar twist in his gut, the pain he'd carried since seeing the park bench. It felt like acid reflux.

"Ted, I need to know."

"How can you even ask? Barney was… Barney. He wasn't capable of loving anyone! God, Robin - you remember how he was!"

"That's the point, I don't remember. Christ, Ted, it was twenty years ago. Now you've stuffed Luke and Leia full of your Baron Munchausen crap and now I don't know what to believe."

Luke bristled at that, and then he felt a lead weight settle across his chest.

"Don't worry, there won't be any more stories," his Dad was saying.

"Ted, I think you should tell them the truth. They deserve to know the truth…"

Luke beckoned Leia over before pushing open the door.

"Yeah, Dad," he said firmly, although he felt shaken inside. "Tell us the truth."

Leia nodded emphatically but their Dad seemed to clam up. Luke turned to Robin instead. "Robin, please tell us. How did Uncle Barney die?"

Robin glanced over at Dad, who shook his head, but she let out a sigh. "Guys…" She swallowed, as if steadying herself. "Barney was hit by a bus in 2008 and was killed instantly."

Luke gaped at her, turning to Leia, who just looked outraged. "N-no…" was all he could manage.

"Luke, your Dad would have got their eventually anyway," Aunt Robin said.

Luke's throat closed up. He couldn't even speak.

Leia shook her head. "Aunt Robin, you don't understand. Dad already got there. He got _past_ there. But in his version, Uncle Barney just had a bunch of broken bones. He survived! It was supposed to be a miracle." She looked on the verge of tears. Luke just felt empty. Why would Dad lie? What was the point in telling them these stories at all? His heart hammered in his chest and he blinked away hot tears of anger.

"Tell us it's not true!" Luke demanded. He was surprised how bitter he sounded.

"It's true," their Dad replied, with a sigh.

"Gotta go get my bus…" Luke mumbled, hurrying out of the kitchen. His brain was buzzing with his Dad's crazy, vibrant stories, of schemes to pick up lesbians and "Not a Father's day" and all the stuff that never happened.

Because it was all a lie.

He scrambled for his bag and was out the door in a couple of minutes, ignoring Leia's pleas to come back.

He just wanted to get away.


	3. Chapter 3

**Part 3**

Luke met Sam Fortimer a few weeks before he'd gone home for spring break. Sam was in his final year of his master's degree, had the keenest mind in the faculty and was, by far, the coolest guy that Luke had ever met.

Luke had no idea what Sam was doing at a lame college like Wesleyan. Any of the Ivies would have taken Sam in a heartbeat and it wasn't as if Sam were following in his Dad's footsteps like Luke was. Sam's Dad, Tom Fortimer was filthy rich and could have sent Sam wherever the hell he liked.

But Luke guessed that Sam wouldn't have been able to get away with half the stuff he pulled at any other (more reputable) college.

Firstly, there were the pranks and scams - most of which were immoral, probably illegal, hilarious and brilliant. If it wasn't for his Dad, Sam would have been kicked out before his bags had hit the dorm room floor.

Secondly, there were the girls. To call Sam a womaniser was possibly the understatement of the year. He left a string of broken hearts from the Fauver to Middletown and back again. But, weirdly, no one held it against him because…

Well… there was the charm. Luke would kill, definitely kill for an ounce of Sam's charisma, his confidence, to be that articulate without being either pompous or smarmy. And yes, Sam always said he was a little jealous of the "brooding thing" that Luke had going on, but Luke found that very hard to believe.

But then, Luke found it hard to believe that Sam would hang out with him at all. He suspected that Sam just secretly always wanted a little brother. The older guy had explained to Luke that his two Dads had adopted him just before their rights had been taken away (Luke couldn't believe how homophobic the world had been back then) and had never been able to have another kid. Luke was quite happy to take the vacant position. After all, it got him a fake ID and a pass into a _lot_ of great parties. Didn't help his grades much, but…

Sam was going home for the summer. It turned out that his Dads lived in New Jersey, near his Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily, so they decided to travel back together and drop in and see Luke's cousins before heading into Manhattan. Sam didn't drive and the long bus journey had them discussing films and music and everything in their lives except the one thing that was really bothering Luke.

Oddly, Sam didn't call him on it, although he swore that Sam talked more to cover his friend's awkward silence than anything else. He did find out a lot about Sam - how he'd grown up mostly on the West Coast before living in Manhattan when he was a teenager. Luke found they had a lot in common and loved hearing Sam's outrageous stories about all the things he'd got up to in school, but it did make him feel boring by comparison.

A while through the journey, Luke was p-mail-ing his sister on his Apple iSync and Sam demanded to see a picture of her. Luke blushed crimson as Sam whooped it up, telling Luke his sister was "a fox" and "totally hot" until Luke glared at Sam until he shut the hell up.

"If you so much as look at her… Man, I'll rip your heart out!"

Sam grinned weakly. "Dude. As if. She may be a ten but nailing your sister would be a major Bro-code violation."

"Bro-code?"

"Yeah."

Luke laughed, but his chest tightened a bit and his stomach burned. He hadn't heard that phrase outside of his Dad's stories. Over the past few months, when not distracted by Sam, Luke had a lot of time to think over what had happened at home back in March. He'd remembered how he and Leia had been shocked when his Dad had got to the part in the story where he'd been riding in a taxi and another car had hit them, then how Leia had actually cried when Barney had been hit by a bus trying to get to his friend.

He remembered the look on his Dad's face, how he'd reassured both of them and how he'd rapidly skipped on to the bit where Barney had been revealed to be alive... How his Dad had wrapped everything up neatly before Luke had left for college, even putting in the hint of a romance between Uncle Barney and Aunt Robin and how Leia's face had lit up at that.

And ever since the stories had gotten more and more outrageous and (Luke hated to say it) unbelievable. There had been more holes and more holes for him and Leia to pick at. And Barney had pined for Robin (albeit inconsistently, until Leia reminded Dad about it and demanded some progression).

Yeah, it was as if Dad had been making up the story as he went along. He'd been playing to the audience, giving Luke and Leia what they wanted to hear because the truth was too painful for him. Luke realised, that in actuality, Barney had died thinking Dad was no longer his friend - that his Dad never got to make amends.

Perhaps Dad was telling the story for himself? A version of the story where he got to fix his mistakes and live the life he wanted...?

As the miles rolled away beneath them, Luke realised that he really was going to have to try and talk to his Dad and make things right. But there were fifteen messages on his p-mail from home and he didn't feel like answering any of them.

*--*--*

Aunt Lily just had to make a big thing out of Luke's homecoming. He could swear that the table was more heavily laden than any Thanksgiving meal. In fact, he was having second thoughts about the whole thing until he realised that Mitchell (his youngest cousin) was home and he got to be the "big brother" for a change. Of course, Mitchell took a shine to Sam right away, everyone did.

But one thing Luke didn't regret was making an entrance. Sam had persuaded him (somehow, he wasn't quite sure how) to wear a suit to go visit his Uncle and Aunt. Luke only had the one and it felt stuffy, uncomfortable and itchy. But he and Sam arrived and saw what an effort Aunt Lily had made, Luke felt only mildly out of place (even if he didn't quite wear his suit with the aplomb of Mr Fortimer).

"So who's your handsome friend?" Aunt Lily said, bringing them both in for a clumsy, floury hug. "Mitch, you get down here!" She yelled raucously up the stairs. Luke threw Sam an apologetic look but Sam took it all in his stride.

"It's great to meet you!" He said with a lopsided grin, actually taking Aunt Lily's hand and kissing the knuckles.

"You little charmer!" Lily said, swatting him away, although Luke could see her cheeks were pink. _Did Sam pump out some kind of chick-conquering pheromone or something?_ Luke thought. And if so, could he get some? Please?

Mom and Dad arrived shortly after and Leia threw her arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug and Aunt Robin sauntered through the door with a bottle of scotch.

Then things went weird.

Robin froze, in mid turn, just as Leia let Luke go and Sam threw his sister a wink and a nod. Robin seemed hypnotised, not saying a thing but staring, staring at the two of them, at Luke and Sam and her face went completely white.

Lily stepped forward. "Hey, Robin honey? Are you okay?"

Robin shook her head and flailed one hand to grab on to Aunt Lily. Luke dashed forward but Sam got there before them. They all supported her to the couch where they lowered her carefully into a seat.

"My god…" Robin mumbled, patting her face.

"Robin, are you okay?" "Sweetie, take a deep breath!" "Give the girls some air!" They were all fussing until Uncle Marshall, mountain of a man that he was, waded in and pulled them back.

"I'm fine… I'm fine…" Robin said, a little grumpily.

Slowly, everyone found a seat except Luke, and Sam who hung back by his shoulder.

"What's wrong?" Lily said, visibly concerned.

Robin tilted her head towards Luke and Sam, who looked at each other. Luke frowned and shrugged.

"Am I the only one seeing it?" Robin asked. Lily shook her head helplessly. "It's like a window into the past. It's like it was only yesterday…" Robin sighed. "Ted, he's so like you. And… Sorry, what was your name?"

Luke cleared his throat. "Sam. Sam Fortimer."

Sam shrugged and grinned.

"Barney," Robin said. "It's Ted and Barney, twenty years ago. I swear, Lily, if Carl walked through that door right now, I probably wouldn't bat and eyelid."

There was silence. Then Uncle Marshall boomed. "No way, no way, no WAY!"

Then all hell broke loose.

*--*--*

Later, when the bottle of scotch lay empty on the table, Sam brought them all up to date with everything that had happened to his Dads, James Stinson and Tom Fortimer, since James's brother had died.

"It's a miracle!" Marshall repeated, for about the hundredth time.

"Sure it is, sweetie," His wife patted him on the back of the hand.

"Do you understand anything about what's going on?" Mitchell whispered in Luke's ear.

"Very little," Luke whispered back. "Sam's our long lost cousin. Or something."

"It's such a shame you guys lost touch after the funeral," Sam said. "My Dads talk about you guys sometimes, you know. I just never made the connection with Mosby, here…" Sam flashed them a pinball grin.

Luke saw his Dad's expression tighten. To think of the years of guilt that he must have carried on his shoulders! It was obvious that Sam saw that too.

"It's not like they're mad at any of you or anything." Sam insisted. "They know it wasn't your fault that Uncle didn't look both ways while crossing the road. And I've heard all the stories. Sounds like he was pretty wild."

"Sounds like someone else is pretty wild too…" Leia said with a smirk. "I've heard all the stories…"

Sam flashed Luke a pointed look but Luke was more interested in the expression on Leia's face and the interest in her eyes. That was _so_ not happening. No way, no way and _no way_. Not his sister and lover-boy over there.

"It's late…" Aunt Lily said, patting Marshall on the arm to wake him where he'd nodded off. "You boys can stay over in Steph's room. You don't mind doubling up? No, you're young and your hips still work."

Marshall groaned as he levered himself up from the comfortable sofa. "Ted, Sarah? Do you have to go back into the city?" He asked them.

"Yeah," Luke's Dad said. "We're driving Robin and she's got a flight to catch tomorrow."

Aunt Robin yawned hugely as his Mom pulled her upright and everyone began saying their goodbyes. Robin gave Luke a quick, tight hug before stepping back to take a good look at Sam. She gave him a quizzical smile before she embraced him as well. "It was good to meet you, Sam."

Robin looked over her shoulder at Luke's Dad and he followed her gaze. Luke noticed how his Dad's grin seemed wider, his eyes a little brighter than before - how he chased his Mom, Leia and Aunt Robin out of the house with warmth and gusto.

Then he looked back at Sam.

Perhaps something had been given back to their family that day that he'd never even knew had been lost.

The end.


End file.
